Monday 5 June 2017

Rainy Day


Why are we told to "save for a rainy day"?

I do lots more shit when it's sunny outside, and it gets expensive. I eat more shit, drink more shit, buy more shit, eat some more shit…pretty soon I'm shit poor.

I did a cost/benefit analysis of an umbrella versus sunscreen. If you multiply one ray of sunshine by one raindrop, divide by pi and perform a variance analysis with a shot of Jäger, using sunscreen is way more expensive than staying dry on a wet day.

I repeated this analysis over and over until I was shit-faced on Jäger, so the results are very reliable.

Should we be saving for weather? I'd rather save for an earthquake day or a sinkhole day, when my house is swallowed up by the earth. That's when I'll need the Jäger more than ever.

If this old adage is true, I should be able to move to Sao Tome and Principe (highest rainfall in the world) and get rich very quickly. And yet no rich people live there. They live in the nice sunny parts of the world.

Forget about saving for a rainy day. Instead, get adopted by a rich person.