Sunday 23 April 2017

The Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Helloooo, Helloooo Newman fans

H. Newman just learned that some of you have experienced an interruption in our blogs via Facebook.

We apologize to our valued customers. We have retained the United Airlines PR firm to handle this growing international crisis. So far, the message they want to put out is, "shut up, motherfuckers, or we'll drag you off the Internet", but I am assured that this will be tweaked a bit.

If this happens again, masks will drop from your ceiling and feed you laughing gas.

And the cause? Putin and Trump, working together, hacked poor Newman and prevented articles from making their world-wide-web debut. Why did they targeted us? Can you think of a reason?

Apparently they feel our coverage of their antics has been unfair – that we've been mocking them.

I guess people see what they want to see. So typical of murderous dictators and dictator-wannabe's.

Normal H. Newman service has returned so get laughing!