Sunday 8 January 2017

Like a Yoyo




It's time we retire the word "yoyo" to describe events that go wildly up and down all the time, like the weather.

It's stale, boring, and let's face it, when was the last time you yoyoed? I didn't think so.

"Oh, isn't this weather crazy? -10 today, +3 yesterday. Up and down like a yoyo."

Gggrroooaaann.

Every time I tried "Walk the Dog", it resembled "Putting the Dog Down". The damn yoyo wouldn't come back up. The string would tangle and I'd throw the mess at my brother.

One time it came up directly into my scrotum. That's called "Fucking the Dog".

I think a much more effective term is Bipolar Person. "This climate change, it's turning the weather into a bipolar person."

Then you can follow up with, "I wish this weather would make up its mind. It's so moody."

Isn't that beautiful? It also publicizes the plight of bipolar people, who need our help.

"Another bipolar day. Shit, that reminds me, have to take my meds."

I considered "erection", but for most men this is always up for half their life and then down for the rest. There's not enough "up and down" there.

Others I considered were "drowning person" (bobs up and down until they die), "crack addict" and "trampoline artist".

I think you'll agree "bipolar person" wins it.